Last year, my kids and I were doing a routine check of the local St Vinnies shop, when my daughter found a toy she absolutely HAD to have.

It was a talking pony, about the size of a loaf of bread, in lurid pink with long eyelashes. It was $4, so I bought it and we took her home. Little did I realise at the time that the original owners probably paid for the toy to be taken away, and that the $4 would have been far better spent on alcohol for myself after living with the pony for a couple of days.

The Singing Pony was one of the least appropriate toys in the history of the world. The pony wore a shiny top in hot pink, and a frilled pink mini-skirt that did not cover its bum. When you pressed its leg, it would sing in a high pitched squeal, whilst fluttering its long eyelashes, shaking its mini skirt, and flicking its tail. It was like the equine equivalent of a pole dancer. It lasted about 36 hours in our home before I smuggled it out in the dark of night and reunited it with the trash from whence it came.

Still, we all had a good laugh about the twerking, flirty pony. It went down in our family history book as one of the most politically incorrect toys ever, along with the 'Animal Balloons' that looked like penises – I mean, seriously, every single one of them, not just the 'caterpillar' -   the garish collagen-lipped Bratz dolls, and the unicorn that poops rainbows. (In the spirit of full disclosure, we didn't actually buy the unicorn that poops rainbows. But we did play with it for a while in the store. I mean, how could we resist???)

Sadly, Anthony Burridge and Sarah Williams from the UK were not laughing when their daughter's My Little Baby Born began swearing at them. Okay, so whether it actually swore at them is arguable – it's a toy, and it probably doesn't feel anger or resentment. But when their two-year-old pressed its belly button it started mewling in lyrics that were far more suited to a hard core rap song.

Now, it's possible that the parents would have laughed at having inadvertently brought home a Satanic Baby. They may have marvelled at how technology can send a spacecraft to the moon but still can't accurately replicate a baby's cry. But unfortunately, their cherubic toddler Emily began copying the song, and now says "F**k it" whenever she picks up the dolly. Or perhaps all the time. As she wasn't filmed without the doll on her lap, we don't know the extent of the emotional damage.

I do feel for the Burridge family. It is always disappointing when a toy turns out not to deliver what it promises. I remember how sad I was when the Cindy doll that 'grew hair' turned out to grow hair only once, when you turned the knob on her stomach. When you cut the hair off, it stayed short forever. I know, right? How totally misleading!

But a sense of humour would not go astray. Whether this doll is a one-off malfunction, one of a batch of malfunctioning babies, or the work of an evil genius at the toy factory intent on creating a generation of foul-mouthed toddlers, it's pretty funny. And I'm sure Toys R Us will swap the Satanic Baby for something more appropriate.

Just not the penis balloons with big pink heads. Trust me. No-one wants their seven-year-old playing with those.